Why do bad things always happen to me?

When bad things happen, we may feel inadequate, worthless, and overwhelmed at times. We may feel like life is unfair and even feel a degree of anger. 

“Why me?” you might tell yourself. 

“Why does it always have to be me?”

And yes, I agree. Life isn’t fair. Sometimes terrible things happen to good people. Sometimes a person may be treated unfairly, sometimes we go through a stream of bad luck and get overwhelmed by all the negative events that plague our lives. Sometimes it’s an abusive situation we don’t know how to get out of, sometimes a judge ruled against us in a case where we should have won. Sometimes, we lose everything we have worked hard for. It happens every day, all the time. This is the nature of our world. 

Beware of the toxicity of dwelling on the “why”

At this point, dwelling on the “why” will not help or heal you and so you must go past this to change your life. 

Dwelling on the “why” will drive you into a depression. It might even hurt your relationships as you possibly develop a secret hatred towards those who seem to have it better than you. Dwelling on the “why” will put you in an endless loop of bitterness, anger, and jealousy. Those are feelings that are detrimental to our health, and so we need to make an effort to replace them with actions that are healthier for us such as perseverance, unwillingness to give up, and mindfulness. Use those negative feelings to push through and get what you want. 

Let me explain.

You are not the only person who had bad things happen to them

No one is immune to having bad things happen to them, but you might not be able to see it because you are so overwhelmed with your own emotions and feelings. Sometimes those feelings may prevent us from seeing things all around us. No one leads a perfect life and you don’t know what happens behind closed doors. “Why do always bad things happen to me?”, is the wrong question to ask yourself because bad things happen to people all the time.

The difference is in people’s reaction to the bad things that happen to them.

You do not have the power to control the events around you. You are not a God. You can’t change people, events, and situations. The power that you do have is over yourself. That is your power. How you react to a situation and what you do about it is entirely in your hands. 

And this is the game-changer.

At this point, you have two choices ahead. Either continue to dwell on the “why” which might strangely and subconsciously feel comfortable. It is your pattern, a loop in your mind and it is the reaction that your body is used to. Any change you will make will require work and effort. Changes are often uncomfortable. There will not be an easy way to fix things and so many people simply choose to continue dwelling on the “why”. 

Or you could choose option number two. Change the question into “What”. 

“What am I going to do about it?”

Do not rely on other people, rely on yourself

While you choose to continue to dwell upon these powerful feelings of anger, and sadness, life goes on all around you and it will not stop for you. The world doesn’t stop spinning for anyone. We need to learn to help ourselves and we can’t rely on others to do it for us either.

Emotionally, The world doesn’t owe you anything and you don’t owe anything to the world. 

You cannot rely on someone else to fill a void inside you, whether it’s a partner, brother, parent, or best friend. If you are of the mindset that a person “owes you” their presence, then you are lining yourself up for a stream of bad luck and broken relationships. It starts within you. You need to learn to become emotionally self-reliant. 

You need to be able to be alone and feel happy. If you don’t know how to do that, then this is the first step that you have to engage in. Find out more about yourself. Who are you? What do you want? What do you love? What makes you tick? What are your limits? Do you take care of yourself? Do you take care of your body? Do you respect yourself? Those are very important questions. You are your castle and at this point, your only concern should be: How do I take care of myself from here? 

Do not assume that you know what other people are feeling or experiencing

You might be looking with envy at someone that you know. Maybe it’s a boss who drives a nice car, and who always wears nice suits. A person who can afford whatever they want while you are stuck with your second-hand car and counting pennies. You might be looking at a friend who seems to be in the perfect relationship. You might be looking at a family member who is the favorite son while you are the scapegoat. But you don’t know that your boss has a bad marriage, or that he secretly suffers from depression or alcoholism. You don’t know that the person who is in a great relationship also has health problems, and you don’t know that the favorite son is constantly suppressing his own emotions to please that same parent who doesn’t value you. You do not know what goes on in other people’s minds and so, assuming that everyone around you never has any bad things happen to them is a lie that your mind is telling you. This is not a reality. The truth is that you are not them, and you do not know their troubles, so focus on your own and find a way to get out of the situation you are in. 

When things go bad, be mindful of the things that you do have

I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to not compare yourself to others and focus on yourself.

Practicing mindfulness is an excellent way to achieve this. When you start appreciating simple things you also learn to appreciate yourself. And while others need “stuff” in their lives to feel complete, you will have true power in knowing that you don’t need any of that stuff to be happy. This will make you resilient and invincible to any hardship ahead. 

I have a good friend who lost his eyesight in his thirties. He could have chosen to roll over and sink into a depression. Of course, there was a point where he was asking himself “why me”. Negative feelings are normal and part of the human experience. After giving himself a bit of time to mourn the loss of his eyes, he started to work on himself. He chose the other path. “What will I do about it?” 

He decided to start listening to books, podcasts, and lectures to increase his mental power. He spent a whole year learning and absorbing knowledge. He now runs a very successful business and is one of the most positive people I know. He was mindful of what he had. He might have lost his eyes, but he had other things. An able mind. 

Appreciating small things in life that other people take for granted in the process is key. While other people might have their stuff, you will have learned to have yourself and this is more powerful than anything out there. 

You need to physically start making positive changes in your life, and the mindset will follow.

For example, say that your body isn’t where you want it to be. Maybe you look at a person who can eat whatever she wants and never gains a pound, so you ask yourself, why me? Again, the unhealthy focus on “why”. 

Maybe you are a mom who has devoted her life to her kids and has neglected to take care of yourself. Maybe you are a person with a demanding job, and you are always sitting in that office chair, never having the time for your body health. Maybe you have a hormonal imbalance. At this point, you have to decide what your priorities will be. 

For the person in this situation, If they can physically work out, the actual effort of getting up and starting a workout routine will always be very challenging. There is no denying this. But Remaining in the “victim” mindset is a choice no matter what the situation is. Yes, the effort that you need to make might be bigger than what other people might have to make. Maybe other people have an easier job, more time, or no kids. This is true. All this means is that you, as a person, will need to make an extra effort to make sure that you have the time and space to take care of yourself. It is still a choice. The question is how much effort do you want to put towards a goal? How badly do you want to have a healthy body? Are you willing to train your brain to bypass the “I don’t feel like it" or “I’m too tired” feeling? 

It is always a huge effort, in the beginning, to change your mindset, no matter what the situation that you are in or what excuses you give yourself.

If you want something to go well for you, then you have to put in a big mental effort to achieve it. 

“I don’t feel like it, I’m too tired and I don’t have time” will be the thoughts that your brain will tell you in the beginning. Your mind has a thought process, a loop that it is used to. So when you change something, in the beginning, the effort is huge. The good news is that it gets easier as you go. The more you physically stick to a new routine, the more your mind will follow and the more positive things will start happening around you. This is not an overnight process. It takes time and patience but whatever you do, don’t stop.  

Why do bad things always happen to me is the wrong question to ask yourself because bad things happen to people all the time. Instead, remember to ask: What can I do about it and embark on a great new journey of your life.

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