When you can't escape the source of anxiety in your daily life

Published on Feb 12 2020 by Florentina D.W.

When anxiety takes over your life, the first step to getting rid of it is understanding what exactly this anxiety is. Anxiety is essentially fear of the unknown, fear of things to come that haven’t yet happened or fear that something terrible will be happening again.

The good news is that once we understand what your anxiety symptoms are, we can learn to recognize when they happen, and we can take control.

Anxiety differs from fear in the sense that fear is experienced when we are faced with danger in real-time. So for example, we are alone at home at night and someone breaks through the door.

Fear is useful, as it triggers a defensive response of flight or fight in a situation that could hurt us, which essentially will save your life.

But when this fear takes over our daily lives, this survival skill of the human race is now detrimental to our health.

Understanding the source of the anxiety

Once we understand that something specific is causing us this anxious-fear, we could possibly get rid of the factor that creates it; For example by changing jobs, distancing ourselves from a person, or saying no. But sometimes, the factor that is the source of our anxiety cannot be removed. We cant flight or fight. We anticipate what will happen when faced with a situation we don’t want to face and this can make us feel sick.

Anxiety can be truly debilitating. The anxiety symptoms may become very physical It can cause

Panic attacks
Social phobias
Obsessive-compulsive behaviors
Nausea
Stomach pain
Heart pain
Tiredness
Feeling of craziness
Headaches, migraines
Anger outbursts.

It’s very real and it’s not “just in your head”, It’s in your body too.

Anxiety symptoms can be brought on in many different situations. Sometimes, we just have to sit through a very uncomfortable family gathering where family members will negatively judge our choices, our way of life and even the food we cook for them. We have to go to work where someone always makes us feel like we are a lesser human being and unworthy of being graced with their magnificent presence. We have to give a speech in front of hundreds of people, we have to go to court, we have an exam coming up… Anxiety can also happen when others belittle us. It can be the aftermath of certain conversations that made us feel out of control and inadequate.

None of those situations put us in any real physical danger, and yet, here we are.

Knowing that what we feel is based on fear, and identifying the cause is the first step to getting rid of this anxiety.

So now what? When we know that we have to face the source of our anxiety, and we can’t run away, there are things that we can do.

If you can’t control the situation that you are in, then control yourself.

The only thing in your life that you will ever truly have control over is yourself.

You can’t control other people, you can’t control their disgusting behavior, you can’t control how they choose to talk to you. So control yourself and have the satisfaction that you are the stronger one.

It helps to have a plan, for example, if you are in a very uncomfortable family gathering where someone feels the need to criticize you, have a range of subjects in mind that will distract you from something that you don’t want to talk about. Talk about what you want to talk about. Prepare an appropriate response to stop an uncomfortable situation in advance. Pretend someone is calling you or that you are receiving an important text message. (and then message a friend, tell them what is going on and have a laugh if you need to). Anything to keep you focused on yourself. Focus on your breaths and be pleasant. That is your best weapon. They are punishing themselves with their behavior already. Doing this will help you relieve your anxiety symptoms.

Learn to let go, forget the pride

The practice of letting something go is a long and difficult road that may require therapy, self-help books, meditation, coaching, Choose your battles and let go of the things that you can’t change or don’t want to spend energy on. If the source of anxiety is a family member that talks down to you every time there is a gathering, it needs to bounce off your shoulders and disappear into the galaxy of I don’t give a fuck. This may be particularly difficult if the source of anxiety is an abusive parent because as children we are genetically hardwired to be attached to them. Breaking that bond is particularly difficult but letting go of their prejudice will give you freedom.

If the source of your anxiety symptoms is a failure at work or during an exam, know that success is 99% failure. There is no success without failure. Failing at something will not physically kill you or prevent you from living your lie. If you fail, all you have to do is try again. Let go.

Remember this:

Maybe you are not perfect, you’ve made mistakes but you also came down a long road of personal struggles and personal achievements. It’s a matter of perspective. Your worth is not defined by how much money you make or how nice your house is. It’s defined by your character, your virtues, your goodness and who you are as a person.

No one truly knows your battles, inner struggles, your fears, and desires but you. No one knows your inner drive, your ability to take a risk, and sometimes having to cope with the failures of taking chances. Who are people to judge you? If they don’t bother listening, but enjoy the sound of their voice, then indulge them. There is no point in talking back or defending yourself because they will not change who they are.

Talk about it

Let it out of your system as much as you need to. If you need to talk about it hundreds of times, talk about it hundreds of times. Of course, Mind who you are talking to because talking to the same person about the same problem all the time might be overwhelming for them. Having said that, it is important to let the pumped-out anxiety energy out of your system in one way or another. Communicating your feelings will make you feel better.

Take care of yourself

If you suffer from anxiety then here is something that you need to do:

Be selfish.

Take care of yourself. (Of course, if you have kids don’t neglect them!) But you do need to find the time to take care of yourself and do whatever it takes to do it.

You can take care of yourself by eating better, taking daily showers, stretching your muscles or exercising, and off course, doing an enjoyable activity that will bring your mind to a happy place. Taking care of yourself also means taking care of your mental health. Take supplements if you need to, talk to your doctor if you feel that your anxiety is out of hand, spend time with your friends or with your significant other. Surround yourself with people that make you feel good, and focus on that. The rest is not worth the destruction of your health.