When an unhealthy relationship takes a toll on you

I am not going to sugar coat this. unhealthy relationships are complicated, difficult and can cause serious anxiety in a persion. An unhealthy relationship might be the hardest thing that you could ever have to experience. It could be a parent, a lover, a boss….Whether you decide to stay or not, it’s always a choice, no matter what other factors there are.

There are organizations that you can reach out to. There is always a friend, a family member or a helpline you can call. Making a move can be paralyzing. It can also feel almost impossible to make that emotional decision, to abandon this person that is suffering so deeply, and move on with your life. Having said that, it’s important to begin by recognizing what constitutes mental health issues, abuse, narcissistic behavior and anything else that is unhealthy to you.

Always be aware of the line between your own sanity and their insanity.

Do not mix it up. If they decide that they want to get better, it might be a long road. If you want to stay with them, then you have to stay grounded.

They will use your weaknesses against you.

In their weak moments, when they are emotional, they could turn around and tell you that you are not good enough, not smart enough, not capable enough (major sign of an unhealthy relationship) They might use this tactic as a way to keep control, to keep you inline. “Why are you looking for a job, you don’t have any skills…Why are you looking at this map, traveling will never bring you anything…”

If you care for this person and don’t want to leave them, then it’s important for you to shield yourself from any attacks of this form. You need to have a certain amount of resilience, use your logic, and realize that those are not things that you need to believe. Those are things that they are saying because they are afraid, they are hurt, and they want to keep you on a leash. If you believe them, then you will fall into the victim role. Don’t. You don’t have to have a big fight about it, you can remain passive but always remember that this is a tactic. It isn’t real.

If you are taking anxiety medication, and you are stable, they might turn and say: “Take your pills, you are not normal.” This is another example of a tactic in an unhealthy relationship. If you believe that you are insane, you will remain weak, and therefore they will keep full control on you. If you sought help in the past for anything, and they turn around and use it against you, don’t believe a word of it. You know you came a long way. They need to do their part for themselves. Don’t mix things up.

They will use guilt tricks.

“I did this for you, you owe me. I stayed when you went through this and that. "

Using anything you ever did against you is an unhealthy relationship. Don’t let guilt tricks affect you. They were free to make a choice. This choice does not bound you to put up with abuse, or any mental health issues that they might be forcing on you to endure. Everyone has free will. Everyone can make their own decisions, Maybe they love you, or maybe they only think they do…We don’t really know anyone’s motives unless we really are in their heads. You are not responsible for their life. People who put up with unhealthy relationships for long periods of time don’t always realize that this is a clear sign of an unhealthy relationship.

People that use guilt tricks constantly are people that are in a lot of pain in the first place. They feel pain anxiety, loneliness. They don’t know how to express themselves properly and they are terrified of those feelings. They will use guilt tricks on you or whoever to fill the void, to quiet their overactive negative minds.

They will often have a really hard time reaching out to other people and will put all their needs on your shoulders.

Often times, their happiness will be on your shoulders. They might expect you to play the role of therapist, buddy, girlfriend or boyfriend, mother or father, financial adviser, lawyer, and anything else I haven’t mentioned. They feel that you must fulfill all the roles in their life. This is in fact not possible. Any healthy relationship is based on love. unhealthy relationships are controlling.

Love is acceptance, love is freedom, love is peace.

It’s important to have a circle of people in your life. If your girlfriend doesn’t like outdoor activities, accept it and go with a friend. If the person you love doesn’t like to go to concerts or listen to you talk about poetry, then find someone else who does, and fulfill that need with another human being, One person cannot physically and mentally fulfill all of your needs at once. It doesn’t exist. It’s important to accept a person’s differences and let them be free in those. Other people are not responsible for your happiness. You are. If they can’t fulfill something, find it elsewhere and enjoy your relationship for what it brings you. This is something that you need to understand when dealing with someone who has mental health issues, They need to reach out to other people. Not just you.

Don’t expect them to be there for you when you need emotional support, because they can’t.

(Physically and mentally) A person who is mentally unstable will just not be able to be there for you. They can’t be. They are feeling so much pain and anguish within, that they have no capacity to do it.

This can be extremely difficult as we are all human. No one is a robot.

Like a normal human, sometimes you might come home sad, or upset bout something and feel the need to talk about it. A person that suffers from mental health might take it on such a personal level, that they will physically be unable to be there for you. Everything will turn personal.

A healthy relationship should be a two-way energy exchange. If something upsets you, it’s important to be able to talk about it, express it, cry about it. But if you are in a relationship with someone who has mental health problems, and wants to stay with that person, then give them time to heal or get help, You have to fulfill those needs elsewhere. Until you make a decision to leave, or until they get professional help and change their ways, accept that you have to look elsewhere for emotional support.

This might not last forever, but it also might never stop.

It’s up to you to draw the line on whether you need to move on towards a healthier relationship, or if you are willing to stick around. Sometimes, a person that is suffering needs a bit of time. Sometimes, it can become downright abuse. If you feel that this is the case, find the strength to reach out and call your local helpline. You are not alone. An Unhealthy relationship doesn’t need to rule your life.

If this is a relationship that you can’t leave, then still reach out, There are groups, helplines, friends, and family who will listen. You are not alone.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-chains/201602/what-really-happens-in-controlling-relationship

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-your-partner-is-controlling

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abusive_power_and_control

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/intermittent-explosive-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20373921

https://www.healthline.com/health/anger-issues

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201508/why-narcissists-need-you-doubt-yourself

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201502/51-signs-unhealthy-relationship

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/chronic-diseases/mental-illness/what-depression.html

Are you playing cat and mouse games with your narcissistic partner? Don’t expect to win, mice usually get caught.

More in Relationships