Are you having a hard time with your relationships? You might be missing an essential skill

One might think that being academically successful is what will make you stand out as an intelligent human being and automatically earn respect. But unfortunately, if you don’t have the emotional intelligence to manage your interpersonal skills, to show respect to those that are different, to accept others as they are and see their differences as their perfection equal to yours, you might never acquire the attention that you feel that you deserve.

It sounds like a mouthful but bear with me for a moment.

Ultimately, a balance in all areas of the brain is important. Between the left and the right hemispheres. If you only ever listen to your own logic, and never acknowledge the emotional side of the human experience, you will create a momentum that will inadvertently trigger other people’s defense mechanisms.

In order To be loved and respected by others, one must first begin by returning the favor.

Thoughts are developed by life experiences, education, and the environment among other things. Even if you believe that there is only one way to set a table or put away clothes or that there is one way to open Christmas presents, and one way to cook (because that’s how you do it with your family for example), that remains your way.

Trying to change other people to fit into your mold will only create rifts in the relationship.

You don’t want to be told to change who you are and you know what? Neither do other people. Sure you might want to insist that your way is best, but emotionally, people will simply not enjoy having you around because you restrict them from being their authentic selves.

Leadership is not earned by being smart or perfect. Leadership is all about how good you can make everyone feel in the room, equally.

Emotional intelligence is arguably one of the most important skills a person can have today and can make the difference between a leader or a loner.

Learn to become emotionally intelligent.

The good news is that Emotional intelligence can be learned. Achieving a balance between emotions and logic can be difficult to attain, but with practice, one can learn to develop listening skills and empathy towards others.

This skill can only benefit you in terms of developing meaningful relationships.

Develop active listening skills

Do not cut people off or try and impose your views onto others. Instead, listen to what they have to say, put your views aside, and be respectful. You might be listening to respond, but your responses will not change a person. Instead, listen just to listen with the only goal being understanding.

True relationships have strength when two people accept each other’s differences.

Your expectations of other people being like a mirror, a reflection of yourself, to be your kind of perfect, is the ultimate reason why your relationships will fail.

Practice empathy

The Native American proverb says, “Walk a mile in another man’s moccasins before you criticize him.”

You might not be able to live another person’s life or understand someone’s past but before subconsciously deciding that this person is a grade below you, and forcing your ways upon them, Open your mind and embrace your differences. The world needs artists and mathematicians. Put those two in a room, and their life philosophies couldn’t be further apart. Yet, the world is a much better place with both those characters in it. This is what you need to learn to accept. Everyone has a place. Let it be.

They might teach you a thing or two if you let them. It takes all sorts of people to make this world beautiful. Some are artists, some are historians, and some are satisfied with 9 to 5 desk jobs, other need to grab a backpack and travel the world. No one is lesser than the other. Everyone is different.

Do not impose what you feel on other people.

Instead, learn where they come from and what makes them passionate.

Practice self-awareness.

Emotionally intelligent people can name their feelings. If they are frustrated, anxious or scared, they will recognize the feeling and use their word to express them as opposed to projecting those feelings as a fault towards others. Think about the last time a song that reminds you of a bad moment in your life, played as you were browsing. what do you do? You automatically turn it off with a look of disgust on your face. Yet the song isn’t the culprit. It reminds you of something undesirable. The problem isn’t the song itself. It’s your experience.

Your feelings come from your life experiences. People do not experience the same feelings and it is wrong to assume that they should know how you feel and act the way you want them to act. If you do this, you will get hurt. Begin by learning to name what the emotion that you are feeling is, and work towards bettering yourself, achieving a balance within yourself. learn about recognizing your triggers

When working on yourself to become balanced and to rid yourself of emotional issues, others will be drawn to you, and will naturally change their behavior, because you are not imposing anything.

Do not criticize other people

There is a way of expressing yourself without being offensive towards other people. You must learn to draw a line within yourself and learn to stop crossing it in a way that might hurt another person. Saying something to belittle someone else makes you look bad in the end. Ask yourself, why do you criticize others? Is it because it makes you feel better about yourself Is it because you are so rigid that there is no flexibility in your life?

Only your way or the highway? Criticizing will NEVER have a positive outcome.

Know your own emotional issues and don’t impose them on others.

It is not up to other people to change their cultures or the way they are for you. Live and let live. If something bothers you, and you find that the other person is not capable of changing it, then you have two options: Accept it, or leave. Do not get angry and feel that they could change if they wanted to. No one wants conflict. The most difficult thing to accept is really that the person is doing what their capability is at that moment in time.

If they can’t change something, then imposing your emotional issues on them will not make it better. There is no third option that will give you true peace of balance.

This is why you are the one who needs to learn acceptance and work on your own behavior if you want to maintain a relationship. Not the other way around.

At the same time, the other person has to do the same thing. If they can’t accept something that you are doing and keep being critical of you, then they must step aside and move on. It may take years to practice, but know that not one person can fulfill all your needs. This is impossible. If one person cant fulfill a need find it elsewhere. Communicate and accept, or leave.

If you take the time to develop emotional intelligence, you will realize that letting other people take the spotlight will make them feel good. And they’d connect that feeling of feeling great with being around you

Respect is not something that you can force. It is something that people will give you if in return you respect them. The feeling must be mutual. Once you stop trying to control everyone around you, and learn to control yourself instead, you will see that people will naturally start to be drawn to you.

Resources

https://psychcentral.com/blog/we-are-responsible-for-our-own-feelings/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evil-deeds/200806/essential-secrets-psychotherapy-change-or-acceptance

https://www.psycho-ressources.com/bibli/guerison-interieure.html

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/296579

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-stages-of-change-2794868

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201603/know-yourself-6-specific-ways-know-who-you-are

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